I’ve been meditating since 2018, but last night I had something of a breakthrough. For context I started meditating to manage anxiety, but my interest in the occult has led me to Thelemic methods. For many years I was doing mindfulness meditation where the sitter attempts to observe their thoughts with minimal engagement. But in Thelema a student has to master total body stillness and mental focus before moving on to advanced magickal operations
So last night for my session I sat in a quarter lotus pose for 20 minutes. In my practice I try to stay completely still. In the first half I felt the usual strain from sitting on the floor and the wandering mind that every meditator is familiar with. But after halfway I felt something. I can only say that my mind was vibrating. It lasted less than a minute, and when it gave way my body seemed to tense up and relax at the same time. Every muscle locked in place. This normally requires conscious effort, but in that moment there was no more strain. It was like my body figured out how to sit still without my consciously forcing it. At the same time my thoughts faded into the background. I was still having plenty of thoughts but I stayed perfectly focused on my breath with no lapses. That kind of clarity and focus is incredibly relaxing. At the end of the session I got up and wrote the experience in my journal
Why does this matter? The experience of automatic rigidity is a milestone for the student of Thelema. When the body ceases its fidgeting and the mind’s focus turns wholly inward, the student is getting close to handling the psychological intensity of advanced rituals. My next step is to keep adding time to my sessions until I can meditate for an hour. The next milestone is to experience spasmodic trembling, but that is a topic for a future post